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*2
McGuirk: Brendon what are you doing here so early? The game isn’t for another, uh, five minutes.

Brendon: I’m in trouble Coach McGuirk.

McGuirk: Alright what’s her name?

Brendon: What? No not girl trouble. Golf, golf trouble. I finished my lessons and…

McGuirk: Hey what’s the difference, hm Brendon? Ha…

Brendon: Ha.

McGuirk: Ha!

McGuirk: Brendon what are you doing here so early? The game isn’t for another, uh, five minutes.

Brendon: I’m in trouble Coach McGuirk.

McGuirk: Alright what’s her name?

Brendon: What? No not girl trouble. Golf, golf trouble. I finished my lessons and…

McGuirk: Hey what’s the difference, hm Brendon? Ha…

Brendon: Ha.

McGuirk: Ha!

*3
Jason: Excuse me, monster coming through. Coming through, how you doin’?

Melissa: Aim for his heart. Aim for his heart!

Brendon: Fire!

Jason: Ahhh!

Melissa: Direct Hit.

Jason: Ahh! Maybe you should look at yourself before you take it out on me. I’m just one monster and when I’m gone! You’ll remember me! Ooow! Oww! And then you’ll have to at yourselves. And own up to what you’ve done. For isn’t every man a monster!

Brendon: I guess he’s right! I guess we’re all!

Jason: Your’re damn right I’m right!

Brendon: Yea Yeah I know!

Jason: Stop shooting!

Brendon: Ok! Hey guys!

Jason: Don’t you realize that if you stop now I might be able to get surgery!

Brendon: Uhh yeah I’m going to tell them hold on.

Jason: Tell the guy that’s shooting to stop shooting!

Brendon: Who’s shooting!?!

Jason: Oh for god’s sakes, tell ‘em to stop!

Brendon: I’m trying!

Jason: I mean hello!

Brendon: I know!

Jason: Do you have any control of your people!?!?!

Brendon: I..I Who’s shooting?!? Please stop!

Jason: Ah forget it, leave him alone. I’ll just die!

Jason: Excuse me, monster coming through. Coming through, how you doin’?

Melissa: Aim for his heart. Aim for his heart!

Brendon: Fire!

Jason: Ahhh!

Melissa: Direct Hit.

Jason: Ahh! Maybe you should look at yourself before you take it out on me. I’m just one monster and when I’m gone! You’ll remember me! Ooow! Oww! And then you’ll have to at yourselves. And own up to what you’ve done. For isn’t every man a monster!

Brendon: I guess he’s right! I guess we’re all!

Jason: Your’re damn right I’m right!

Brendon: Yea Yeah I know!

Jason: Stop shooting!

Brendon: Ok! Hey guys!

Jason: Don’t you realize that if you stop now I might be able to get surgery!

Brendon: Uhh yeah I’m going to tell them hold on.

Jason: Tell the guy that’s shooting to stop shooting!

Brendon: Who’s shooting!?!

Jason: Oh for god’s sakes, tell ‘em to stop!

Brendon: I’m trying!

Jason: I mean hello!

Brendon: I know!

Jason: Do you have any control of your people!?!?!

Brendon: I..I Who’s shooting?!? Please stop!

Jason: Ah forget it, leave him alone. I’ll just die!

*7
McGuirk: No I know. You’re doing drugs right?

Brendon: Ha, are you outta your mind?

McGuirk: Answer the question Brendon, are you doing drugs?

Brendon: That’s ridiculous! I’m I’m not even gonna justify that with an answer.

McGuirk: Humor me.

Brendon: Alright, a farmer and his three beautiful daughters go to the village…

McGuirk: Braaaaaaaaaa!! Heard it.

McGuirk: No I know. You’re doing drugs right?

Brendon: Ha, are you outta your mind?

McGuirk: Answer the question Brendon, are you doing drugs?

Brendon: That’s ridiculous! I’m I’m not even gonna justify that with an answer.

McGuirk: Humor me.

Brendon: Alright, a farmer and his three beautiful daughters go to the village…

McGuirk: Braaaaaaaaaa!! Heard it.

*14
Brendon: You see Star Wars is all about the hero’s journey and, and you know weirdo space creatures and I’m gonna write a movie that goes beyond the Star Wars trilogy…

Boy: Wowww…

Brendon: Yeah, I’m gonna write the third part first and the first…

Boy: …What’s it about?

Brendon: Heh.. Ha what?

Boy: What’s it about?

Brendon: Ah I don’t, I dunno yet exactly but…

Girl: What’d you gonna call it?

Brendon: Uh I’m gonna call it, Can Star Wars Do This!?

Boy: Ooohh

Brendon: I’m gonna go talk to somebody else. You kids are dorks.

Brendon: You see Star Wars is all about the hero’s journey and, and you know weirdo space creatures and I’m gonna write a movie that goes beyond the Star Wars trilogy…

Boy: Wowww…

Brendon: Yeah, I’m gonna write the third part first and the first…

Boy: …What’s it about?

Brendon: Heh.. Ha what?

Boy: What’s it about?

Brendon: Ah I don’t, I dunno yet exactly but…

Girl: What’d you gonna call it?

Brendon: Uh I’m gonna call it, Can Star Wars Do This!?

Boy: Ooohh

Brendon: I’m gonna go talk to somebody else. You kids are dorks.

*12
Walter: Perry, I want to stay in a hotel.

Perry: I want to live in a hotel.

Walter: I want to be a hotel manager.

Perry: I want to be a maitre d’

Walter: I want to be a bellhop.

Perry: I want to be a waiter.

Walter: I want to be a bell.

Fenton: Shut up.

Perry: Okay.

Walter: Perry, I want to stay in a hotel.

Perry: I want to live in a hotel.

Walter: I want to be a hotel manager.

Perry: I want to be a maitre d’

Walter: I want to be a bellhop.

Perry: I want to be a waiter.

Walter: I want to be a bell.

Fenton: Shut up.

Perry: Okay.

*11
Fenton: You’re the dirty villain and I’m the hero and you suck.

Brendon: Yup.

Fenton: And, and you’re really stupid and I’m really smart, ok?

Brendon: Ok sounds good.

Fenton: And you’re fat and have bad skin and I’m thin and I have small pores.

Brendon: Umm hmm.

Fenton: And let’s see. Mmmm…

Brendon: You’re, you’re wonderful?

Fenton: Uh yea and you’re horrible!!!

Fenton: You’re the dirty villain and I’m the hero and you suck.

Brendon: Yup.

Fenton: And, and you’re really stupid and I’m really smart, ok?

Brendon: Ok sounds good.

Fenton: And you’re fat and have bad skin and I’m thin and I have small pores.

Brendon: Umm hmm.

Fenton: And let’s see. Mmmm…

Brendon: You’re, you’re wonderful?

Fenton: Uh yea and you’re horrible!!!

*57
Brendon: What was that all about Jason? You were on the phone for like twenty minutes.

Jason: Well I told my mom I was at your house, Brendon. She said, “Brendon who?” so I had to tell her who you were, that we’re best friends and that we make movies then she asked me, “what kinda of movies?” and I said,”like I dunno, little fun movies, like real movies but shorter” and then she said, “like what?” and I, then I explained a couple of the movies we made and then I told her about the one we’re making now, the mockumentary and then she said, she said, “aww I Iike mockumentaries like Spinal Tap” and I said, “I don’t know what that is.”

Brendon: Jason you never told her about me?

Jason: No.

Melissa: What about me?

Jason: No.

Brendon: What was that all about Jason? You were on the phone for like twenty minutes.

Jason: Well I told my mom I was at your house, Brendon. She said, “Brendon who?” so I had to tell her who you were, that we’re best friends and that we make movies then she asked me, “what kinda of movies?” and I said,”like I dunno, little fun movies, like real movies but shorter” and then she said, “like what?” and I, then I explained a couple of the movies we made and then I told her about the one we’re making now, the mockumentary and then she said, she said, “aww I Iike mockumentaries like Spinal Tap” and I said, “I don’t know what that is.”

Brendon: Jason you never told her about me?

Jason: No.

Melissa: What about me?

Jason: No.

*11
Eulogist: We are here today to celebrate the memory of a truly beloved cat.  Alexandré Peabody, son of Poopy and Kee-tay, a good, good kitty. He is in the place where all cats go, a small subdivision of animal heaven called Whiskerville. Here the rivers flow with milk and the trees are filled with tuna.  Montgomery and Bunny without this cat in your lives you will notice yourselves ultimately buying a lot less cat food. It is our curse as human beings to outlive our beloved feline friends. We must say goodbye, feel sad and finally, get another kitty. A different kitty to love and pet and clean up after. It is the cycle of kitties. A moment of silence please, for Alexandré.

Eulogist: We are here today to celebrate the memory of a truly beloved cat. Alexandré Peabody, son of Poopy and Kee-tay, a good, good kitty. He is in the place where all cats go, a small subdivision of animal heaven called Whiskerville. Here the rivers flow with milk and the trees are filled with tuna. Montgomery and Bunny without this cat in your lives you will notice yourselves ultimately buying a lot less cat food. It is our curse as human beings to outlive our beloved feline friends. We must say goodbye, feel sad and finally, get another kitty. A different kitty to love and pet and clean up after. It is the cycle of kitties. A moment of silence please, for Alexandré.

*31
Veterinarian: He isn’t, uh, sick children. He’s just nervous, so he’s experiencing an upset tummy.

Brendon: Why is he nervous?

Veterinarian: Well it’s hard to say, some animals are emotional unstable just like human ladies.

Melissa: What?

Veterinarian: Nothing.

Veterinarian: He isn’t, uh, sick children. He’s just nervous, so he’s experiencing an upset tummy.

Brendon: Why is he nervous?

Veterinarian: Well it’s hard to say, some animals are emotional unstable just like human ladies.

Melissa: What?

Veterinarian: Nothing.

*13
Erik: Do you have any money on you?

Melissa: No.

Erik: Ok look, you distract the waiter I’m gonna slip out the back and start the car, k?

Melissa: Dad…

Erik: Ok, you distract the waiter, I’ll start the car.

Melissa: Dad…

Erik: Ok, you know what? Forget the car, let’s just both distract the waiter.

Melissa: (giggles)

Erik: Do you have any money on you?

Melissa: No.

Erik: Ok look, you distract the waiter I’m gonna slip out the back and start the car, k?

Melissa: Dad…

Erik: Ok, you distract the waiter, I’ll start the car.

Melissa: Dad…

Erik: Ok, you know what? Forget the car, let’s just both distract the waiter.

Melissa: (giggles)